Monday, March 01, 2010
How to Accept Generosity From Your Team
Don’t you find that it’s easier to help others but not accept help from others? Why do you say ‘NO’ when people offer to help you? Why do you refuse generosity from others?
There are many possible reasons that you may struggle with accepting and asking for help. Some likely rationale includes:
1. You don’t believe that you are worthy of help and generosity.
Accepting help from others is a form of taking care of yourself. By allowing others to lend a hand, you are sending a message to yourself that you deserve assistance – which will in turn attract more kindness and assistance.
2. You don’t want to inconvenience others.
Think about this: Most people don’t offer help unless they are sincere and are in a position to do so. While accepting offered help is hard because you might have a fear that you are putting someone out, ASKING for help may be even more difficult. You’ve got to trust that people do the best they can, and are more likely able to help if you say yes. If you ask for help and suspect they aren’t able to, try to separate their lack of interest from the validity of your request.
You can only be responsible for your own behavior. If you have a balanced and humble approach to asking for help, then there is nothing to feel guilty about.
3. You think you can do it better than anyone else.
You’ve heard the saying, “If you want something done right, you better do it yourself.” If you are a person who lives by this motto, you may find yourself juggling too many things because you need a sense of control. And, control is something difficult for most leaders to release.
There is the predicament between wanting to have your hand in everything to ensure things are done correctly and resenting the responsibility and burden. Does this sound familiar?
If so, ask yourself the following questions:
• Why do I need to have things done my way every time?
• What is the worst that can happen if something is not done my way?
• What can I let go of and what do I need to hold on to?
Sometimes you have to make a difficult choice between something being done perfectly and giving yourself a much-needed break. Sometimes you simply have to pick your battles in order to save your sanity!
Two Techniques to Accept Help and Generosity
First, create an affirmation statement that addresses your obstacle to accepting help. For example, “I will let go of micro-managing the project and focus on the outcome through status updates.” Make the statement a reflection of your personal feelings about the situation. Repeat it daily, especially when you find yourself in need of help.
Second, start behaving as though the desired change has already happened. In this case, try to act like a person who asks for and accepts help easily.
You can:
1) Ask for help a few times a week, with the conscious intention that you are doing so to grow. Start with the easier things to ask help with before jumping to the larger requests.
2) Accept offered help a few times a week, reminding yourself that you are worthy of help and don’t need to control every aspect of a task.
Think of it this way: Kindness that you show to others will flow back in your direction if you allow it. As a leader you do not always need to be strong. Give your team the opportunity to serve you from time to time. They will surprise you, and you will be given a breather to regroup when you may need it most.
Until next time...lead like you mean it!
Marjorie
