Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Verbal Attacks
Today I witnessed two co-workers at their worst. It was a public verbal thrashing the likes of which I haven’t seem in corporate America for quiet some time.
“Sam” and “Joe” were part of a larger meeting which, until this point, was calm and progressing nicely. Team members were engaged in the conversation, ideas were flowing, decisions were made. Then it happened --
- Joe questioned why Sam had taken over a project and not informed him.
- Sam said he assumed Joe knew (because the manager who invited Sam reported to Joe)
- Joe said he didn’t know about an event requiring an invitation and why wasn’t he himself invited.
- Sam didn’t know.
- Joe kept getting louder with each subsequent statement or blaming question.
The rest of us sat there and watched the heated battle before us.
How would you handle someone verbally attacking you in front of peers? Here is my solution:
1. STOP - Immediately settle deeper into your chair and start breathing. Relax your face muscles into neutral (think ‘Poker Face’).
2. EYE CONTACT - Maintain eye contact with the person attacking you.
3. LISTEN - Suspend your judgment and really listen to the words being said.
4. ASK QUESTIONS - You probably don’t have enough background information to make a conclusion. Ask questions to investigate the other person’s side more closely.
5. UNDERSTAND - Verify you understand the situation from the other person’s viewpoint.
6. GIVE YOUR SIDE - Calmly yet confidently offer your side of the situation.
7. CONCLUDE - Have enough dialogue to overcome the other person’s objections, etc.
Tips to keep in mind:
* Do not match the tone and pitch of your voice to theirs.
* Ask if the conversation can be held in private.
* Ask what triggered the hostile behavior. For example, “I don’t understand what led up to this point that has you so angry. What happened?”
* Pause and BE QUIET. It’s okay to give yourself time to think.
The manner in which you respond to any verbal attack reflects on your professionalism and, if handled well, can enhance your reputation. Word gets around—remember your team members will one day know of your reaction. Do them proud.
Until next time...live like you mean it!
Marjorie